Club Confessions: What is the most absurd thing you’ve ever seen happen in a club?

club confessions

The Purple Sneakers reader base is one of the most diverse in the Australian editorial space. We cover underground electronic music like no other blog, and we like to explore the dynamics of club music and its distinct impact on the world and our local communities. To do so, and to really dive into the spaces in which dance music thrives, we’re starting a new club confessions series on the site. Every couple of weeks we will ask our audience to confess some of the most epic, the craziest, the most wholesome shit they’ve seen in a club environment.

We’re kicking it off with an absolutely massive one, none other than, What is the most absurd thing you’ve ever seen happen in a club? From Berlin’s infamous Berghain to Sydney’s inner west warehouse location, 2 Flies, we set the bar pretty low in terms of standards for these, and God were they crazy.

Check all of the anonymous responses out below. 

“7am at Berghain. A nun wearing a habit walks out of a bathroom stall and asks me if I have any speed. I apologise because I don’t, and I’ve never been sorrier in my life that I couldn’t snort speed with a nun”

“I’m at 2 Flies seeing Ben UFO back in 2019. I’m in line for the bathroom and I see a mate walk straight past every one, fully cutting the line. I call him out and he says, “nah it’s all g, I’ll show you my secret spot that I use”, and then proceeds to piss into a mop bucket in the corner of the bathroom. Fast forward 2 hours later, the dance floor is heaving. I look over to the other side of the dance floor and see some guy waving a mop in the air doofstick style, pretty much covering that entire section of the crowd with my mates piss.”

“I was at a party in Sydney. It was an all nighter party so people were bringing energy snacks and little things to nibble on to keep them. This one dude brought boiled eggs, boiled fricken eggs, and was eating them at like 4 in the morning”

“Outside having a ciggie at Berghain and chatting to some friends. In the middle of the garden there’s a man receiving head from two guys. No one looks twice so I forget that that’s an unusual site”

“I didn’t see it in person but someone told me that someone at Hugs in Melbourne at 5am took out a yoga mat, produced a large cucumber from their bag, and asked dancers to sodomise them with it”

“My friend had done acid once at a 12 hour party over night. They went across the road with a friend to a 7/11 to grab a quick bite to fill their stomachs with like a sausage roll or a muffin or something before they had anything to drink and they’d come straight back. They came back 2 hours later (don’t hate on me they were texting saying they were safe). Apparently they were sitting near the car park on a patch of grass watching the sun rise.”

“Someone dropped a bottle of amyl and it smashed on the floor, then half a dozen people lay on the floor and locked / sniffed it off the disgusting dance floor.”

“Naked guy running around in Berghain who dropped his Viagra pills and asked us if we saw them anywhere.”

“My mate went to the loo inside Berghain and there was a guy jerking off on his lonesome by the window. When he left the cubicle the guy was being jerked off by someone else. Someone came and joined! Hahaha”

“Not that cooked but once saw Andy from Hamish and Andy at Revs”

“One time I did the splits on the floor at Revolver and then I got the Flu”

Image via Tripsavvy

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Parry Talks, and also writes.